For some reason, my “About” page has become a magnet for ads about sex toys. I double-checked – nothing I said refers to animals, fetishes or battery-operated plastic devices. Good grief.

Helpful Scam Filter (Photo credit: Irish Typepad)

Last week, some guy named ‘Edward’ (with a thick south-east Asian accent) from Microsoft kept calling the home phone at dinner time, of course, to tell me that I had a computer virus that he could fix. Last year when this happened, Hub told the guy we didn’t have any computers. Worked for a long time, but they’ve probably shopped our number around or we just came up in the scammers’ lottery.

Edward was doing a lot of ‘ma’am’-ing and asking how was my day. The first time he called, I said that I had to go downstairs to get my credit card, gushing that I was really interested in him helping me out. When he said he was calling’ just from Toronto area code 315′, I figured – waste my time, I’ll waste your time. I put the telephone handset down beside the radio tuned to the Bill Carroll talk show, cranked up the volume and finished my meal. When I picked up the phone about 10 minutes later, the poor schlub was still on the line. I put on my most stern, official voice and said, thank you for staying on the line. I’ve had the call traced and contacted the authorities. They should be at your door sometime soon. Silence. Click.

Off the hook maintenance phone (Photo credit: jackskellington101)

The next day when he called again (same time, different dinner), I put the phone down and dialled my cell phone so he could hear it ring, then I mumbled a few words. When I picked up the home phone, I told him that I had confirmed his location and the police were on their way. Gasp. Click. Haven’t had a call in a few days. We’ll see how long that ruse works for.

Nevertheless, I’m going to find an old whistle and leave it by the phone, so that the next time I get a call, I’ll blow long and hard. Maybe scream and sob a little. I’ve heard that some folks will ask the caller what he’s wearing and what colour eyes he has and does he like girls/boys. I just can’t be bothered. After all, the guy has our phone number. Nothing’s private anymore. I don’t want some loogan showing up at our door. Ah, technology, when someone in the GTA can be hounded by some poor schmuck on the other side of the world.