Oh, Lord, today I realized how very out-of-tune I am with daytime television. Aside form the over-abundance of botoxed talk-show hosts and odd guests, there is a goldmine of thirty-minute segments that I’ve never heard of.


I mean, I thought shows about beards and brideszillas, crazed chefs or swamp dwellers and man-trackers were bad enough, but today…today I hit the mother lode, the boob-tube bonanza. I was scrolling through the 400 plus channels that Pa Rogers charges us a car payment amount for every month when I hit upon this one: Extra Hairy Grannies.

Yes, it is a television show. How real it is, I can’t say. Hmmm – is this why men never want to relinquish the remote?

When I realized the premise dealt with ‘short and curlies’ and was not about flowing locks artfully styled to give aging ladies a youthful appearance, I laughed so hard I slid off Hub’s recliner and rolled on the floor clutching my sides.
pussy-willow-883429_1280I didn’t look at the program description, but when I pulled myself together enough to wipe the tears from my eyes, I bopped over to my desktop in a very un-granny-like way and did a Google search. Well, that was even more of an eye opener. 1,150,000 results – can you believe it?

How about this gem: “delicious mature sexy Very Hairy Granny videos with attractive models who do it for pleasure’s sake and share the heat with you!” It brought to mind gray panthers (older than cougars)’ doing it’ (as my BFF would say) by an open oven door while exchanging cookie pans.

Or this one: “Very old hot grannies“. Not menopause hot, either, I presume. I don’t even want to begin to imagine what that must be like. And who did the videography? Do they use their own hair? Wardrobe? Are there make-up recommendations and prop sponsors? The mind boggles. Ugh.

There are lots more with words and descriptions of, um, creative activities… that I won’t repeat in public.  There’s a XXX YouTube channel, among other things. I didn’t have the nerve to sneak a peek because I know that electronic footprints live on forever (thanks for the heads-up, Ashley Madison hackers).

Perhaps I can use the meme in my next book? Nah, even with my active imagination, there is no way I could work that line of thought into a serious novel. Besides, who would believe I was trolling through grainy (I’m assuming they are not of cinema quality) videos for research purposes?

Think I’ll stick with being the grandma who shoots hoops, swills wine and cheers too loudly from the sidelines.

It was good to laugh, though.