When I had my ectopic pregnancy, I needed to go back to work right away — or stay home and go nuts.  Combined hospital costs were more than for my other children combined, and I had no child to show for it.  So I went back to work.  I would cry at odd times of the day, with no apparent thought in mind.  I also drifted dangerously close to falling off the deep end again into insanity, but was able to pull myself together with some very open and honest conversation with some wonderful and appreciative friends, including Lindy and Cassia.  This for a child I saw once on a monitor, but fell ferociously in love with on sight.

If my parents died, I don’t know how I would react.  If my husband or my children died, I think I would spend a few days just howling at the moon for a while.  Seriously.  I spent so many years with everything locked up inside of me that grief has very little space to rest instead my heart. Just thinking about it makes my eyes tear up.  Ellie, 1999

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